Death

I know that it is still a taboo subject in some peoples eyes, I have recently experienced my first "Cot Death". It was a strange surreal experience, which, not withstanding the emotional aspects left me thinking about what had happened. I have spoken with some of my colleagues about the incident and when I got back to my boyfriend's flat I could not speak fully to him about it, even although I am sure he would have understood. The call was a typical call to start with, however, we were updated by the EMDC (Control) that it was a cardiac arrest of an infant, with CPR on going. It was then that it started to hit us, we were going to a baby (not long into this world) who had died. When we arrived on scene we went into auto-pilot and did what we had to do, we then transported the baby to the hospital and it was then that it started to hit us fully, seeing this baby, who looked so peaceful and doll like, lying on an adult resuscitation room bed, with the full resus team working in him. My partner left to complete her paperwork and I stayed in the room, willing the baby to start breathing, there was a moment when the team thought they had a pulse, but this was due to the CPR ongoing. After I went back to the vehicle and started to clear up with my colleague it finally hit us both, full on like a train traveling at 100mph striking us clean on in the face. We both cried, my colleague probably more than me as she has a young baby boy. We eventually cleared at the hospital and were returned to the station, where we sat and spoke about the incident with our other colleagues who were on the station. I felt so sorry for the parents, to have lost a child must be the worst thing that could ever happen. I hope I never find out how that feels.